This is a photo of me prior to my first marriage in 1974. I had just turned nineteen and I weighed 105 pounds. I did not think I was pretty when I was younger. Age is a great leveler I think . . . because I look at that now and think I was quite beautiful in many ways . . . I did not eat a lot when I was younger. You could see the bones at the top of my chest and I liked that . . . I had had a pudgy stage for a couple of years when I was about 13 and so once I lost that extra baby fat, I was determined not to ever be plump again.
Best laid plans . . .
I had had three children by this time and as you can see my youngest was about nine or ten months old. I was still not a large person and watched my weight very carefully. In fact I weighed less after I had my second child than I had done before I had gotten pregnant. I did not have a healthy attitude towards food or pregnancy . . .
This is me after I had my fifth child, about 24 and a half years ago. He was only about 9 months old. I was still not large as you can see . . . that did not last. I had my tubes tied a few months later and quit smoking because my son was Asthmatic. Quitting smoking was the hardest thing I ever did in my life. Initially I put on about 15 pounds and so I started smoking again. Of course the weight did not come off and so I quit again and that time it stuck . . . 24 and a half years later and I still do not smoke . . .
Unfortunately through that time I discovered a whole new woman . . . in fact several new women, and they have all attached themselves to the outside of my body. Year after year, layer after layer.
This is me about 13 years ago now. I am a lot larger than I was when I was 34, but still not bad. I am ashamed to say that I weigh even more than that now.
The past twenty four years have been a battle of wills and weights . . . I have come to discover that I am really good at taking weight off, but I am even better at putting it back on and at the end of every successful diet I end up larger than before.
I have tried every diet under the sun and they work for a time, but I really think there is a reason that the word diet begins with the word "die," because every time I go on a diet a little bit of me dies . . . because I fail in the long run. Every. Single. Time.
I have tried hypnotherapy and that has worked really well . . . three times to be exact. But once again, the weight has always come back on after a time, and I have ended up weighing more than ever.
This is me a couple of months ago when I was home to Canada in April/May of this year. This was April 21st to be exact. As you can see I am larger than ever and it gets me down.
I love food. I love cooking it. I love feeding my friends and loved ones. I love reading about it. I love watching food television. I love cookbooks. I love eating it . . . oh boy do I love eating it.
I have an unhealthy attitude towards food. I am almost always hungry. I know all of the ins and outs of good nutrition, and can tell you almost anything you need to know about dieting and healthy diets . . . I am a total failure when it comes to putting all of my knowledge into practice . . .
I need to lose at least fifty pounds if not more. I have high blood pressure for which I have been on medication since I was forty years old. I will never come off that. I am on high cholesterol medication, which I also will probably not come off. I have osteo arthritis in my back, hips and knees . . . which I know is exacerbated by the extra weight that I carry. There are no two ways about it. I need to lose weight.
It is killing me. I need help. Now. Before I have type 2 diabetes. Before I have a heart attack and die prematurely. I do not like feeling weak and powerless. I am not weak and powerless.
There is an addiction program at our church on Thursday evenings. I think I need to go and sign up because I am addicted. Enough is enough. Maybe God can help me . . .
Size does matter . . . when it comes down to being healthy, and I am sick and tired of feeling sick and tired.
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